After receiving countless emails and recommendations for the brand-spanking new Potts Point “gem” Cho Cho San, I made the decision to make a booking for the 27th of July (A and I’s 26 month celebration).
For some reason, I got the impression that they had an awesome selection of reasonably priced sides. And since A and I are saving for our trip to Japan at the end of the year, I figured we’d just order tasty, affordable sides to fill us up.
When we arrived, I was immediately taken back to art class in seventh grade, where we were all seated along a single, long, rectangular table so we could splash out Van Gogh replicas in unison.
We stood around awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Here’s the first thing Cho Cho San lacks – a reception desk. I think any place taking bookings should have one of these.
I kind of wandered along the table awkwardly trying to look for the wait staff. It was kind of hard to tell because everyone just looked like hipsters. Finally, one of the hipsters approached A and I. I told him we had a booking, and he said, “Oh! Yes! You requested a window seat?”.
As my gaze drifted over to the window, I hesitantly smiled and confirmed his statement.
Lets put it this way. A window seat in Potts Point ain’t much of a prize.
As soon as our buttocks touched the backless wooden stools, we were offered either still or sparkling water. We mindlessly replied still water.
BIG MISTAKE. Rule number one guys. When a restaurant offers you still or sparkling water, just tell them you want table water. Spoiler alert. At the end of the night, we got a nice surprise on our bill. $4 EACH for bleeping “still” water. I wonder how much I’d get if I sat some tap water in a tank for a while and sold it back to them.
So back to the beginning of the story for our first nasty surprise. Those delicious crab buns I saw on the email recommendations were $12 each. EACH. I thought, there must be gold flecks in them or something. So we ordered one crab bun and one fried pork bun ($8) to enable us to each have a morsel of this gold flecked deliciousness.
The buns took a solid half hour to arrive. These guys were lucky we’d just come from the Aroma Festival, so the caffeine was still slightly suppressing our hunger.
When they finally arrived, I was sorely disappointed. There were no gold flecks in either of the buns. They tasted good, but for $12… well… There better be gold flecks in my poop.
Because we were so disappointed by the lack of appealing choices in the sides menu, we had no choice but to go for the over priced mains. We ordered the $26 lamb cutlets, and the $30 wagyu beef.
Lets be blunt. I could’ve cooked a better lamb cutlet. Here’s how: I would’ve used less oil, and perhaps not be so heavy handed with the “charcoaling”. After I held the lamb cutlet to peel off the flesh with my teeth, cave man style, my fingers were left black.
I can’t lie, the Wagyu beef was pretty damn good – it was cooked perfectly to medium rare. But the serving was small enough for me to have three plates myself (maybe if I randomly s*** out $90). And I didn’t understand the dips they gave us. They provided us with a pea drop of hot english mustard, a pea drop of wasabi, and a little sprinkle of the chilli powder you usually get at Japanese restaurants. The sauce that came drizzled over the Wagyu was already beautiful. Why would you dip it in some bottled, overpowering, english mustard?
So here’s a summary of our night. For $88 we got:
- A stomach still growling with hunger.
- Cancer on a t-bone.
- Disappointment- by the absence of gold in our buns (the actual buns and the other kind of buns 😉 )
- Empathy for Italians who go to Criniti’s.
I think Cho Cho San translates to: stuff your asian mum can cook, plated in children’s portions, priced at 10000% of what it costs to make.
So would I recommend this place to you?
Yes- If you were a hipster, because then you deserve to be ripped off.